Solitude and Serenity

Things have been tough since my last post. I’m struggling with things at home, working about 7 days a week, and feel so far from friends and God. I haven’t had any fellowship or quiet time and it’s left me so empty and stuck.
I went to go see a friend of mine a few days ago (my only day off in weeks) who lives out in the country. I live in the city. I can handle the interstate and traffic but country roads and highways are terrifying. Why did I keep doubting God? I knew I was going to get there. If I got lost, I had a map and people to call, but I was incredibly anxious the whole way, and I didn’t enjoy the drive at all.
I was so relieved once I arrived in the small town where my friend went to high school. She, another good friend from school, and her cousin were there painting the school. I joined them and we painted, laughed, and caught up with each others’ lives. I began to feel myself relax a bit. Later we drove several country roads and arrived at her house- in the middle of nowhere. It was a beautiful home surrounded by large trees and farmland. Everything was so green. I could really feel the tension from work and home leaving me. My friends and I went to the golf course later in the evening. I had a blast playing a few holes and picking mulberries and eating them. It was a perfect outside-the fields, hills, sun, trees, sounds, and genuine friends. Life’s constraints were gone for a while, and it was freeing.
I zonked out early, exhausted from another week. We all got up at a decent time in the morning, and we spent It together just hanging out and talking. After lunch it was time for me to leave again. Oh crap…
But it was the most amazing drive of my life. God relieved my anxiety through my friend. She gave great directions and reassured me that I would be fine. And because of that, I noticed more things along the road home. Looking all around me, I found myself asking why I ever wanted to live by water or mountains. They were here in Nebraska. The fields were my ocean, the hills were my waves frozen in action and my mountaintops. I could picture God running his hands through the crops like girls do with their hair. Everything was so green, so alive. It was so perfect: speeding along the open road, singing to my favorite songs, and flying with the windows down and the sun shining.
I find it interesting that many people from rural communities or small towns often want to live in the city. But sometimes, all I want to do is get away from the city, work, and reality. That one day off was such a blessing. For a little more than 24 hours I escaped and embraced the peacefulness of open spaces. And because of my friends’ kindness, her family’s hospitality, and God’s faithfulness, I now have a better understanding of solitude and serenity, and long to have a little bit more of it.

I hope you find some too friends…

Gum

Do you ever have days where you just feel like a piece of gum? Chewed up, spit out, and thrown away (if you're lucky). It's just one of those days I guess. No purpose. No drive. No worth. I feel nothing.
I hate days like this. These lies in my head are on repeat, and I'm looking for the stop button. I know they aren't true. In my head, I understand they are false. But why are they so easy to believe?
I'm trying to remind myself that I may feel pathetic,worthless, and unloved, but in God's eyes I am capable, valuable, and loved more than I will ever understand. I've got to hold on to the truth.

Everyone has lies of their own that they hear. Don't believe them either friends...