Higher

It’s that time of year again-when schedules for the next semester are published. When there are so many requirements to be met. When I’m expected to exactly where I’m going and what I’m doing with my life. So many times I have asked God what I’m supposed to do. Help others? To better myself? To get married? To make money and support a family? To leave this world a better place? I think these are all good goals, but instead of asking the Lord to tell me what I’m supposed to do, I should let Him use me. Isaiah 55:9 has been on my mind all this week:

“For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways,
and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.”

The more I feel myself striving to understand what He has called me to do, the more I feel myself distancing from Him. When I try to “figure it all out,” I’m blinded, unable to see how He is moving. He asks us to give up our own plans so He can use us without restraint.

Instead of asking him what I’m supposed to do, I have started asking where my passions lie and for whom. And more and more I’m discovering that my passion, my purpose, the focus of my life is so much simpler than I thought. All I want is to enjoy Him and to joyfully honor Him with my words, my actions, my life.

If you’re struggling with this, I pray that you will give your worries to the Lord, and remember that He is using you. Remember that through the Holy Spirit he is using us in some way-whether we realize it or not.

So I’m going to try to be patient and have faith. He will tell me where to go when I need to go. He will tell me what to do when I need to do it. He will tell me what I need to know when I need to know it. His timing is perfect.

So I'll do my best to surrender my ways. They're not my own. I’m yours.

He is faithful

After 16 weeks of training, I’m happy to report that the marathon was a success, and dad and I finished in just under five and a half hours. We couldn’t have asked for a better day: a crisp morning, a light breeze, no rain, and all sunshine. Amongst the 1600 marathoners, there were some pretty amazing people running in the race. I met two women in their late sixties who had run a marathon in every state, another woman who had run 89 (this one was her 90th!), a blind man, a fourteen-year-old girl, and a few other father-daughter pairs.

I won’t lie though, miles 18-24 were pretty rough. At that point in the run, I was seriously questioning if I could finish, and physically, I was beginning to really fatigue. My legs had never been so stiff. As a biology student, I’ve read about lactic acid and anaerobic respiration, but I really understand it now. There’s no way I would have gotten through those miles without my dad or the Lord. At miles 24 and 25, I got kind of emotional. I felt like I was slowing my dad down, I was in pain, and doubting myself and my God. I just asked Him over and over to help me-to just get me to that next water stand, to that next mile marker, to the finish line. And he was faithful, as usual. At the finish line, there was hot pizza-it has never tasted so good.

Since the race got over, I’ve been kind of bummed. I miss getting up early for long runs on Saturdays. I miss catching up with my dad on those runs. I miss relaxing in the whirlpool after a long run. I miss post-run coffee. I miss crossing off the weeks until raceday. I had worked for something bigger than myself for four months. I felt like I had a purpose, like I was working for something meaningful. And now, I’m back to feeling lost. I have no clue what I want to do after college. I don’t really know what I’m good at or what I’m truly passionate about. Several of my friends are dating or getting married soon-I’ve never had a serious boyfriend. I haven’t felt motivated to seek the Lord lately. I often find myself alone, thinking, praying, or studying. But I’m determined to just not worry, and let whatever is meant to happen…happen.

Sometimes I can’t believe I did it-something that seemed so impossible. But I did, but only with the Lord’s help. But after doing this marathon, I’ve realized that I rely too much on things and people to bring me through difficult situations. I depend on my friends to lift me up. I throw myself into my schoolwork to forget life. I run to avoid my struggles. So why can’t I just rely on Him to bring me through WHEN I KNOW THAT HE WILL?

He is faithful. I need to hold onto it. I need to meditate on it. I need to BELIEVE it…